The truth of what you’ll “gain” and the benefits of having an affair…
which are not benefits at all.
7 benefits of having an affair?
Am I crazy?
No, but in the mind of the wayward spouse they are thinking they are getting something out of the affair, or they wouldn’t do it.
This is the truth of what an affair really will give you:
It seems everywhere we turn these days there’s talk of infidelity, affair’s, adultery, cheating, indiscretions, or whatever name you want to give it. There must be real benefits to having an affair, we may think.
Celebrities seem to be on magazines covers weekly with pictures of how they were caught cheating on their spouse. We’ve come to expect it. But it’s also happening more than ever to regular married couples too. We’re subtly told that if it feels right then go ahead and have one, everyone else is doing it. It’s almost become socially acceptable to have an affair, or at least it can be in our minds.
With the Ashley Madison website that was hacked, many men’s infidelities became public knowledge as thousands of their email’s were revealed.
In your own mind you may have thought of all the reasons an affair would be a good idea, or how you deserve the love and attention, or that that an affair would help your stress-level.
So, I’m here to tell you- yes, I agree with you, you do gain a lot after having an affair.
WHAT? You may say.
Yes, These 7 benefits of having an affair are often overlooked by most people and not talked about nearly enough.
So before you cheat, here is a list of 7 benefits of having an affair and what the myths are as well. If you’ve been on the fence, maybe this will convince you that what you were thinking was right.
I will list the thoughts that many cheaters have beforehand, and explain how correct you are.
“I need attention and affection right now”.
Actually, what you will get is attention for sure. At first it will come from your affair partner, as they gush over you with the affection and attention you’re craving. But once your secret is out, you’ll also get lots of attention from others. People will be angry, hurt and disappointed with you. Everyone who finds out will surely give you the attention you’re craving. They may yell, scream or just eventually stop talking to you. People like the latest gossip and you’re affair will provide them that. The attention will come in whispers or even potentially getting fired from your job, once your affair is found out.
“It will be fun, I need some excitement in my life”, you reason to yourself.
There is a season of excitement to having an affair, perhaps it in knowing you’re partaking in forbidden fruit. Just as you it was exciting and a rush when you cheated on your math test in elementary school. Or, the thrill of a junior high school crush while you exchanged notes, asking them to check ‘the do you like me-yes or no’ box, when the teacher wasn’t looking. Some of that fun was in doing something you knew was wrong (cheating on test), or just the childish excitement of knowing someone liked. Yet, we grow up and realize there are mature ways of finding excitement and usually don’t need to find it in cheating.
“I have so much stress in my life, I need something different to change my stress level.”
Stress is hard to deal with. It’s been shown it takes a physical toll on the body, and we all seek relief from it at times. The truth is your stress will change very soon after having an affair; you will find living a life of sneaking around and constant lying to your spouse even more stressful than you would have ever imagined. Keeping your stories straight and trying to make sure you don’t get caught will definitely add to your stress level. If you have stress now, know that you’ve just signed up for one of the biggest stressors of your life, all cloaked in a package of relief. Your body will likely exhibit the symptoms of stress when sleep becomes more difficult, increased stomach pain and however your body seeks relief from the increased pressure you’ve just added to your life.
“My spouse and I just don’t get along anymore, this other person really loves me.”
All marriages go through difficulties at some point. It’s easy to let life’s issues put a wedge in your relationship and drift you apart. Yet, remember that you once thought your spouse was the greatest thing since sliced bread and you fell deeply in love, or you wouldn’t have married them. So, this new person somehow will magically be different? Soon enough the illusion of bliss, in the beginning stages of an affair, will fade and you likely won’t be any further along than where you are now with your spouse. Every relationship goes through that honeymoon phase with the excitement and thrill, remember the junior high school example? Real and mature love pushes past this phase to find a deeper love and commitment below, if we’re willing to find it. Remember the ‘grass is always greener’ analogy? It’s true.
“It’s just sex, it doesn’t mean anything or hurt anyone as long as nobody finds out.”
Sure, this can be true. It may be sex and nobody will find out (yet), unless you count your doctor who will need to do a test for STD’s. Maybe nobody will find out when you’ll be in pain from genital sores after getting that STD from your “just sex”. Although it would only be right at this point, to let your spouse know too. So it’s a myth that nobody will be hurt and nobody will find out. And it’s always more than just sex. You may think that may never happen to you, or that your affair partner will be honest if they have an STD, perhaps you’re right. (Go ahead and trust that person who thinks it okay for you to lie and cheat on your spouse, and is helping you keep the truth hidden). But it’s a dangerous game of Russian roulette you’re playing with your own body, and your spouses for that matter.
“I just feel happy with this other person.”
Happiness may come at first, or what you perceive is happiness. Most likely, it is the delight in knowing someone likes you and finds you desirable. But, just as in #4, there’s always an initial period of time in a relationship where we are happy and think it will last forever. If you look up the antonyms for happy, pleasure or joy you will find the words regret, disappointment, grief, heartache, worry and other lovely words. That’s what an affair is, everything opposite of what you think it will be. Soon enough, you will regret the decision to be unfaithful as your life unravels and falls apart. Temporary, ‘happiness’ will be replaced by a deeper level of regret than you likely ever felt before. The long-term pain will always outweigh the short-term fun. Feelings lie to us and, if we follow them, we’ll likely start feeling the opposite of what they told us we’d feel.
“I just need some ‘me time’, to do something for myself for a change.”
We all need a break from our daily routines to get away and do something we enjoy. But if you’re putting an affair at the top of that list, you will get that ‘me time’ you’re craving. Once your secret is out and those in your life, that you love the most, will be so hurt that many will not stand by your side any longer. Those friends you thought would always love you no matter what will very likely not want to talk to you anymore. It’s just a fact; many people don’t want to associate with a cheater. You’ll have so much time to yourself now as many people will have left their friendship with you because of your moral failure. As children find out their parent has not lived out the moral example they portrayed themselves to live, there’s often resentment and a pulling away from that parent for a time. So, yes, you’ll have a lot of time on your hands to pursue those hobbies, and you’ll have time alone, as you find many of your relationships have been destroyed.
In conclusion to the 7 benefits of having an affair. I was true to my word that this is what you’ll gain. Are they benefits? Well, your mind is likely telling you you’ll benefit if you have an affair, but now that we’ve look closely at the truth of these benefits, you decide.
Forgive my sarcasm or snarkiness (if that’s a word). Sometimes we don’t want to look at the truth of what our life will be after we make our choices. You may not have read this if I listed all the reasons why not to have an affair, but you can read that here if you’d like.
See, I know firsthand how destructive and dangerous having an affair is. I’m sure I was thinking many of these lies before I went down that road, so forgive me for my bluntness. I’m just tired of hearing about the devastation an affair has had on a marriage, and to families.
You WON’T be better afterwards. Trust me on this.
Nothing you do in the future will be able to change this decision. Most people will site their affair as one of the biggest mistakes, and regret, of their lives. Nobody leaves this earth wishing they’d had an affair, but ask any one who’ve lived through having one, or been the spouse of a cheater, and they’ll likely say it was one of the most painful times in their lives.
But you decide if that is a benefit.