Do you feel trapped in an affair?
Are you struggling to break off the affair?
I’m here to offer real advice for women who feel trapped in an affair, and are confused about what decisions to make.
Being “trapped in an affair” may sound like very strange terminology to most people who have never found themselves in that situation. Most would say it sounds like a lack of responsibility, as most people don’t just “wake up” and find that are in an affair.
But for those who find they have committed the biggest offense a marriage can be dealt, it happened all too quickly.
Is that you today?
Did you drift from your spouse and now find yourself in a relationship with someone who is not your spouse?
I understand because I have been there.
It happens as much to women as it does to men.
Most information out there is geared to the betrayed wife and it’s the unfaithful husband they who has committed adultery. But that’s not my story.
When I crossed those lines I thought I’d never cross, I looked and looked for information and other women’s stories that also made the terrible choice I made. I looked for advice, for help in finding a way out of the pain and heartache. But the information was not readily available for the wife being the unfaithful spouse, and the husband as the betrayed spouse.
It is usually directed to the husband being unfaithful. I am glad there is help and information for them, but I needed desperately to find women who walked this terrible path I found myself on as the one in the affair.
That is why I am writing this blog. I want to use my own past awful choices to help other women know they are not alone.
There is a way out of the affair.
There is a road to healing and hope for you again.
But if you are really tired of living a double life and tired of feeling trapped in an affair, and yet don’t know what to do now, I am glad you’re here.
There is hope that your marriage can be saved, although nobody can make those promises for YOUR marriage. It takes two to work on a marriage and both you and your spouse have to really want to make it work.
It won’t be easy. There will be pain along the way. But, if you are anything like me, you are already in a boatload of pain and it couldn’t get much worse than where you are now.
There are steps that my husband and I took to get to a place of healing and eventually trust again.
We didn’t do it right all the time. There were setbacks, a lot of them.
But I got to the point of being so tired of being torn in two and feeling trapped in the affair, that I knew I had to change. After much back and forth, I figured out it wasn’t going to be easy. But I got so tired of where my life and marriage were at that I was finally ready to do whatever it took to get my life back.
Nothing worthwhile is ever easy.
I kept telling myself that. My husband also told himself that.
But we made it through and now, almost 9 years later, I can say we’ve gone through the hardest part and we are so much better. I’m so glad we didn’t give up. There is healing in our marriage and we’re at a happy place of being best friends again.
Is our marriage the same as before? That’s a hard one to answer.
But no, it’s not. That doesn’t mean it’s worse, it means we’ve grown and changed and have weathered some really hard things.
In a lot of ways it’s so much better because we’ve weathered some really hard storms and survived it together. Our eyes were opened to the vulnerability we all face in our marriages, but many people think they are above it, that infidelity would never happen to them.
It humbled me greatly. I’m sure it has humbled you.
How can any marriage be the same as it was on your wedding day? We grow, we change and hopefully we learn to grow together, not apart.
Infidelity is an awful, traumatic event like no other. Even all these years later, it is still a sore spot for me. And in a different way, it’s a sore spot for my husband. We’ve healed. But I think there will always be a scar there like there is after an injury. There’s no way around that.
But we have a choice in our marriage everyday, and you do too.
We can live in the past and let that scar define our marriage and let it ruin our future, or we can look at that scar-that traumatic time in our marriage- and learn from it and get to a place of healing. We can believe that one day it can be used for some good.
You don’t have to live with a torn heart and there is a way out of the pain and heartache.
There is a feeling of being trapped and unable to break off the affair that most people don’t understand. But there is hope for your future and your marriage, if you and your husband want it bad enough.
Although our story will be different than yours, I believe you can have hope that it IS possible to break free from an affair and heal your marriage again. If your spouse is not willing to stay and work on the marriage with you, than I believe there is still hope, healing and forgiveness for YOU.
God will never give up on you, no matter what you’ve done. I truly believe that because I lived it and I know I would not have been able to break free from the feeling of being trapped in the affair without God helping me. I will talk about that more in future posts.
So, if you’re tired of feeling trapped in an affair, the first steps are to get real with yourself and recognize you have some control over what happens next.
Do you want to be well? Do you really want your marriage to heal and be better than it was before?
Breaking off an affair is not easy. But it’s absolutely the first step you need to take to start bringing healing to your own heart and your marriage.
You can read more about me and my affair story here.
If you’d like to know more about us and our marriage story, click here.