Our marriage story:
How I met my husband
When I was sixteen, I went back to New York to be in my friends wedding. There I sat next to a cute guy (the grooms brother) seven years older than me who was in the Navy. Sitting at that reception table, we talked like we knew each other for years. I didn’t think he’d be interested in a sixteen year old, but I asked him if he wanted to write each other anyway. He agreed to give me his address and we faithfully wrote each other, as friends.
The following summer he wanted to come to Arizona to visit me. Somehow, my parents agreed and he stayed in our guest room. We had a wonderful week and we both knew we were falling in love. He had to return to the Navy for his last year deployed overseas. I had my senior year of high school to finish. But we wrote many letters that year. It was incredibly hard to be apart, but we grew in our relationship without any distractions. I was smitten by him. And he says he was by me.
We got married
He moved to Arizona after getting out of the Navy. We were incredibly in love and people envied our closeness. We knew God had brought us together. We got engaged and at nineteen (and a half, I like to say).
Jim and I were married on January 2nd, 1988.
Our 3 boys were born
Three years later our oldest son was born, then by 1999 we had all our three boys.
We had a happy little family and our marriage was good.
Struggled with depression and finding purpose
When our youngest son was very young, I went through some depression and didn’t know how to deal with it well. Feeling like a misfit among even my friends at that time, and not knowing where I belonged as a young Mom or what my purpose was, I felt like I was walking through my days underwater.
I turned to alcohol for some relief. It was no big deal for a while, until I started to use it more and more to deal with my feelings. My lifelong perfectionism and pursuit of being the “good girl” who had it all together began crumbling as I struggled to get through my days as a stay at home Mom of three boys and feeling I my life didn’t matter. Drinking distracted me from those feelings and I started to rely on it more and more.
I wasn’t sure how to stop, and my relationship with God was suffering. He was there all along; it was me who drifted from Him.
Switching one addiction for another
After abusing alcohol for a few years, I got help and we both went to a christian recovery group for support. Yet, within 9 months of stopping all drinking, I had an affair. Learning later, that I really only switched one addiction for another. This is fairly common.
After only a few weeks, the guilt consumed me and I confessed to my husband. We separated for a period of time and our marriage was on the brink of breaking up for many months.
Surrender opened the door to healing
The pull of the affair was more than I understood or could handle on my own. It was only when I truly was completely tired of the direction of my life that I was willing to surrender it all to God and do whatever it took to save my marriage and heal the pain.
This site is a compilation of what I did to get over the affair, what my husband did that helped him heal, what he did that actually made things worse and what we did as a couple to restore trust and have a better marriage than before.
No easy answers
I don’t have all the answers, but if you take the time to read the articles, be humble and willing to change, see a good counselor and pray for God to help you heal, I believe you can come through this better than before. It takes time. But time is going to pass anyway, you might as well do whatever it takes during this time to get your life back where you want it to be.
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