What are the warning signs of a potential affair?
and how do affairs begin?
There are always signs beforehand that a woman is heading into an affair.
Every affair begins somewhere. They all have a fairly predictable start.
After an affair is over, many women will say they don’t understand how they could be have allowed themselves to be unfaithful and they are often confused about how they got into the situation in the first place.
Yet, there are always signs to look for.
1. The foundation is always set and the conditions are ripe before an affair starts.
Those conditions can be as innocent as discontentment or unhappiness within a woman’s heart and life. The condition of her heart could be cold toward her husband and perhaps small resentments have built up. Left unchecked and not talked about, resentments are seeds that can grow into displeasure and a desire to find happiness in someone else.
Perhaps there has not been any real connection in her marriage and time has slipped away with the responsibilities of work, children and financial obligations. The foundation of communication that exists in a good, thriving marriage may be lacking. Has it been months and months before any real date night? Has life become so busy they are lacking any real intimacy or depth of conversation? This void creates a vacuum that a wife will seek to fill somehow.
If a marriage continues without connection, temptation to stray may present itself and a woman who would otherwise never consider infidelity may be more tempted during this vulnerable time.
To read more in detail the reasons why women have affairs, click here.
2. The opportunities present themselves with another man filling her emotional needs.
It could present itself in any number of ways:
- a male coworker who seems to give attention the woman is craving.
- It could be a male friend of hers, or someone she’s known a long time.
- An old romantic flame rekindling after connecting on social media or in person.
- A friend of the family, or her husbands.
- Someone from their church.
- It doesn’t really matter “who” he is, but for the fact that for some reason, this man has sparked her attention and is filling a void she has in her life.
Speaking with him has awakened a desire in her that has not been there for a long time. It starts innocently enough, perhaps being just friends and talking about platonic things. Yet, if she is not careful she will find herself inching closer to infidelity.
3. Warning signs that a woman is flirting with the dangers of infidelity, even if she is oblivious to it at first:
- She finds herself wanting to be this other man more, and finds excuses to manipulate her schedule and situations to allow them to spend more time together.
- Her thoughts are more preoccupied with thinking about him and other family obligations are pushed aside, even if she is the only one who notices this at first.
- She becomes more interested in her appearance and will take more time to get ready and dolled up when she knows she will be seeing him.
- She may lose weight or get a new haircut or clothes to be more attractive.
- Wondering whether this other man is attracted to her will start to invade her thoughts more.
- She will justify to herself and anyone who questions her behavior that they are “just friends” and nothing more.
- She may find herself getting excited to see texts, emails or calls from him. If these become more frequent, she will attempt to hide the frequency and down play her feelings for him.
- She may begin to hide her phone or social media contact with him.
- Boundaries of time spent alone with another man become blurred and disregarded more often.
- The conversations with another man has become personal about his marriage or hers. Discussing problems or personal issues that would normally have been off limits are shared.
There are always at least a few of these signs before a physical affair begins.
4. But what about an emotional affair?
Wikipedia defines an emotional affair as “an affair between two people that mimics the closeness and emotional intimacy of an affair while never being physically consummated”.
Emotional affairs can be just as devastating as a physical affair. It often occurs because the two are deceived into believing they did nothing wrong since there was no sex. That is where the danger starts.
- Yet, many physical affairs started out as emotional connections. This other person seems to understand us. They value our opinions and we feel needed and desired again. That can easily set the stage for a physical affair to transpire later. It is only a matter of time before it does.
- Women will continue to tell themselves, and others, that they are just friends. However, in their hearts, if they were to be honest, they would admit it has become more.
These are all some of the warning signs that a woman is heading into an affair if she does not take action and change her behavior.
5. The turning point for a woman heading toward an affair.
At this point a woman will face a turning point in her friendship with another man. Either she will heed the warning around her that she has gotten too emotionally close and preoccupied with another man, or she will make the unfortunate decision to let him know how she feels.
If she heeds the warning lights all around her and realizes she is heading into an affair, she can keep herself from following the painful trap that so many women have found themselves in.
She will need to take very drastic steps to keep the relationship from becoming an affair.
6. How a woman can change course if she suspects she’s headed toward an affair:
She would be wise to do the following:
- She should let the man know she is uncomfortable with how close their friendship is and discontinue contact with him.
- However, sometimes expressing her awareness of their friendship becoming too close can turn the friendship into an affair. If she knows she is not strong enough to keep that from happening, she should cut off communication and all contact with the man. She’ll likely have feelings of guilt, but the resolve to protect her marriage, and her husband, from being destroyed by a potential affair should be her first priority.
- She should close out any email he has used to contact her, block his number and even change jobs if seeing him daily is inevitable.
These will feel drastic and extreme to her at the time. She’ll wrestle with feelings of guilt over hurting his feelings and not being nice. However, if you are a woman reading this now, be resolute in your commitment to your marriage.
Make no mistake, any relationship that continues with the opposite sex after these warning signs are observed, will very likely end in a devastating and heartbreaking affair.
It is easier to break off a friendship with another man now, than a full fledged affair later, when you’re marriage will be destroyed and your reputation would be shot.
If however, she does not heed the internal warnings from her conscience, or the warnings here, feelings will eventually be expressed of their attraction to each other. Once feelings for each other are expressed, it opens the door to a full affair.
Continue to read about after an affair has started. Stage 2- in the midst of an affair, click here. What happens after an affair has started and the likely progression the affair will follow.
To read general stages of affairs and how the process usually goes, click here.