Welcome, I’m so glad you’re here.
You’ve taken a brave step toward healing by searching for answers and support.
You might be wondering if this is the right site for you.
Let me first ask you if you can relate to any of these things I experienced?
(Then I’ll share more of my affair story below).
Are you a woman who was unfaithful?
Can you relate to any of these statements:
- Are you a woman who’s strayed from your marriage vows?
- Do you feel confused about what to do now?
- Have you broken off the affair, only to keep going back to your affair partner?
- Maybe you’re unsure of how to get back that passion and love again for your husband?
- Are you starting to lose hope that anything will change ? Ha depression become your companion?
- Do you feel so alone because you know your reputation would be shot, and people wouldn’t like you, if they really knew the truth?
- Or maybe you’re single but found yourself in an affair with a married man with that awful label “the other woman.”
If you can relate to even one of those statements, you’ll feel at home here. I created this site for women like you. Because I was there too.
I created this site to be a safe place with no judgment or shame, as you seek a way out of you entangled messy life. You’re welcome here.
Or, are you a Betrayed Husband?
If you’re looking for answers and guidance on what you can do now after finding about your wife’s unfaithfulness, we provide support and guidance for you as well.
My husband has been right where you are. He knows the unique challenges of being the husband of the wife who has an affair. It’s not exactly the same for betrayed women.
If either one describes you, keep reading.
Before I tell you about my story, let me describe the purpose of this site,
and how it can help you.
What is my reason for starting this site in 2016?
First, I know how hard it was to find information directed just for the unfaithful female (not the man).
Plus, it was just as hard to find help for betrayed husbands. Most are written for wives who were betrayed.
It’s different in a lot of ways, because men and women are different in how they handle and process betrayal.
But this is my heart’s mission statement for this site:
I’m dedicated to helping other women, who have been unfaithful,
to get unstuck from the confusion and shame that keeps them bound and unable to move forward.
If that describes you, my passion is to see you live a life completely free,
so you can become the woman you were created to be, with a life and purpose you can be proud of.
I don’t claim to know all the answers, and I’m not a psychologist. But what I do have is experience with infidelity. Actually my own,
and my husband’s emotional affair that he began while I was messed up in mine. He was pretty vulnerable. Luckily, it didn’t get too far.
Why I think this site will be helpful for you:
- This site is written from an unfaithful woman’s perspective.
I’m also a Christian, and relate my experience with God, but if you don’t share my faith, don’t let that scare you away.
There are some great principles here that will apply for you too.
- I’m just a real woman sharing my story and not holding anything back. I care about other women going through this and have spent many hours on the phone or in emails with women who are struggling. I’ve been there and I know how hard it is.
- I DON’T JUST rely on my own experience.
I’m often researching many reputable sources and statistics for information that I feel would be helpful for my blog posts.
If I find a helpful source, I site the source, and then you can decide if you agree with that method of recovery or facts.
This helps take a lot of the effort of researching tons of material online, not knowing if they’re reputable or not.
When you’re trying to get answers and healing after an affair, you don’t need to be spending time online for days on end.
Ain’t nobody got time for that.
So, if we were meeting in person, I’m sure we’d enjoy a cup of coffee and maybe a donut (I’m just a little obsessed about them), to talk about our lives.
But since that’s not possible, we’ll have to settle for here.
I remember what it’s like to be so confused about the decisions I needed to make after my infidelity,
and I didn’t know how to fix the chaos I made of my life.
I was stuck for a long time, bound by the chains of my affair, and I almost lost my marriage of 19 years.
“I know how hopeless it feels, wondering if your marriage will survive.
But I also know now the beauty and joy of a marriage
that’s restored and full of God’s love and forgiveness.”
And I long to see that happen for you too, my friend.
But even if the decision to end your marriage was already made for you? God still has a plan and purpose for you. And you still belong here.
So who am I, and what’s my story?
Today, I’m a wife of 31 years, mom to 3 adult sons,
and even a grandma to 2 cute little toddlers (they call me Mimi).
I was born in Long Island, NY and we moved to Scottsdale Arizona in the middle of my 5th grade.
Talk about a culture shock!
My NY accent and bigger Italian nose didn’t fit in well at first amongst my sun worshipping
Gloria Vanderbilt jean Arizona wearing peers.
Kids can be mean and rejection stings deep, I learned that in 6th grade.
But hallelujah, I changed schools in 7th grade and my world got better.
Although I hated my life at the time, I see now that being bullied put within me a need
to defend the ‘little guy’, the ’down and out’ and even the ones who messed up and didn’t fit in.
“Growing up a good girl and people pleaser”.
Through all my years growing up, I never wanted to make waves or cause trouble for my family.
I was a great ‘rule follower’ and overachiever.
(okay, most of the time, except that time I wrote on the lockers my freshman year of high school.
Of course my one act of rebellion landed me in detention and clean up duty for a full Saturday).
But I assumed these ‘good girl roles’ on my own and being a peace maker became part of my personality.
I don’t blame anyone else.
Married at 19 years old.
I met my husband at 16, and I didn’t think twice about marrying the man of my dreams at such a young age…
I knew pretty quickly that I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with him.
We had a relationship and bond that most people envied.
After 3 years we got married.
We loved the Lord and raised our boys in a Christian home. It was really important to me to be the best Mom I could be.
My relationship with the Lord languished as I felt I was never good enough (my perfectionist standards for myself, not His).
The rejection in my past kept getting in my way as I longed for approval and validation in most everything I did.
Long story short, I tried to find other ways to break out of the people pleasing, approval seeking role I often found myself in.
It didn’t fit me well anymore and I found myself turning to alcohol and other ways to cope and escape.
When I realized abusing alcohol wasn’t going to help, my husband and I got involved at a recovery group from our church.
I didn’t see the warning signs and things went from bad to worse.
Yet I did anyway.
Although it was a temporary escape from my life, it created far more problems than it solved.
Soon I thought I was “in love” with someone I was not married to, and I was living a lie.
Although I was depressed and felt incredible guilt, I realized it was not as easy to break it off as I thought it would.
After 19 days, I confessed to my husband about the affair.
I had to be honest and assumed the confession would give me the strength I needed to stop the affair for good.
But I was wrong.
“The affair became like a rope wrapped around me,
tightening its hold every time I went back in it.
Yet I felt powerless to stop it too”.
I won’t belabor the details, but for 10 months I went back and forth, in and out of the affair,
each time thinking I wanted out of this chaotic life enough to make it stick.
I remember thinking I was the biggest screw up and I was so depressed that I let God and my family down.
Many nights were spent desperately for answers online.
I discovered the information for ‘unfaithful females’ is much harder to find than for the husband who cheated.
That’s just a fact. So I had to continually change the gender in my mind to make it apply.
It just left me feeling more alone and ashamed.
After 2 awful marriage counseling experiences, that almost contributed to the ending of the marriage, I knew there had to be a better way.
I was stuck and we were losing hope that our marriage would survive.
“We finally figured out how to heal our marriage.”
It was over a year of pure heartache and pain for both of us. He made some bad choices too in his vulnerability, and we were a mess.
We finally both decided to draw a line in the sand, burn the ships (not look for an easy escape out), and we started all over together.
With God’s help and strength, I finally figured out HOW to truly end my affair, and not ever go back to it again.
God gave me a step-by-step plan to help me during my weak moments, because I couldn’t find it online anywhere.
And one small step after another we made progress individually, and in our marriage.
I finally became determined to heal my husbands heart and help him trust me again.
We both wanted to be restored and better than before.
I can honestly say we are better than we were before the affair. It was very hard at times. Sometimes I wondered if we’d make it.
But we kept pushing forward with the plan. Now we can honestly say we are on the other side of that terrible season.
And there’s nothing we will ever do to trade the love and trust we have now.
Colorado, here we come!
We since moved to Colorado a few years after the affair. But soon after moving here, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.
I went through a mastectomy and then 3 years later, I had a recurrence of breast cancer. I was shocked and it was hard.
But my wonderful husband stayed by my side through it all.
He helped with my drains, he helped when I had chemo and all that came with that.
We still can honestly say that season of infidelity was so much harder than both seasons of my breast cancer.
We have 2 grandbabies (that’s them on the left, are they sweet?!), and we get to grandparent together!
Not from separate homes and divorced…together.
There is no greater blessing and it was worth all the work!
So, let me ask you…
Have you Failed, in the past, to break free of an affair or that place of indecision ?
Or have you ended it but not sure how to recover from it completely?
Maybe now you’re wondering how anything will ever change, and if you’re marriage will survive.
Don’t lose hope!
This site is for you, my friend. Don’t try to struggle through it alone any longer. There are so many of us who are there too. There is strength in numbers
Reach out to me and share your story. I’d love to pray with you. [email protected]
Also, don’t forget to join our recently created a private facebook group just for women who have struggled with infidelity. It’s called ‘AMA Women’
(The description for this group is vague on purpose, but once you join, you’ll be a part of a group of women who understand each others struggles.)
Now, for a little lighter stuff
A few little unrelated facts and my favorite things:
- I adore my family. My husband is the best any girl could ask for and I’m so grateful to do life with him.
- Raising a house full of boys was interesting (i.e.strange and loud sounds when they’d play video games, odd smells and sounds emulating from their bedrooms,
bathrooms that no visitor would want to use, and lots of crazy love and laughter.)
- My grandbabies live in Florida and I truly miss their scrumptious little faces and giggles everyday.
- My English Golden Retriever Sandy keeps me from working too hard. She’ll give me that look like she has in this picture as if to say “hey Mom, time to stop.”
- I love donuts. (yes, I have a completely ridiculous obsession for the fried little dough. If it’s in the house, forgetaboutit…they’re gone).
- I’m just ‘a little’ obsessed with the beach, boats and water. (can you tell by my website theme here?) It’s soothing and calming to me, and I live in Colorado….hmmm.
I’m so glad you’re here, my friend.
You are so brave and courageous to want to figure this thing out.
Let’s see what God has in store for our lives together!