An Open Letter To The Christian Woman Who Had An Affair

This letter is to any woman who did what they thought they’d never do…
especially if you’re a Christian woman.

You were unfaithful to your husband,
and now you’re filled with shame and confusion.

Please know, I write this letter as a fellow christian woman sharing this truth with only God’s love and grace in my heart.
You can read my story here.

You may have felt like a ‘good Christian woman’
for a long time.
Maybe you’ve worked hard at maintaining that image
on social media, and in person.

But do you ever just long to be real with others, yet you end up hiding your failures from them instead?

We’ve all done it.

Sometimes I’ve thought to myself, ‘if you only knew, would you still want
to be friends with me?‘

Shame can keep us hiding in fear of rejection, sometimes even from others who share
our same love for Jesus.

We often try to be a shining, perfect example of a saved life.
The beautiful ‘after’ testimony, to our ugly ‘before’.

I know I tried for years.
It can be hard to admit that our ‘after’ hasn’t always been so beautiful.

We opened the door to one little compromise after another; just one little thought that we dwelt on for too long, until we were led into a trap that we never thought we’d be. 

This is how we find ourselves on the road to brokenness and pain.

You weren’t planning on getting this close to this sin.
You didn’t think you’d ever be ‘that kind of person’.

You know, the one some people shun with scorn for being unfaithful.
Jesus also dealt with people who wanted to stone a woman who was caught in adultery, but read the story again.
He didn’t ridicule her in front of everyone.  But he did tell her to ‘go and sin no more’.

Because He loves us too much to leave us in our mess.

And here you are, maybe you relate to that story of that woman in the bible more than you ever thought you would.
Maybe too, only you and God know the truth; that you’ve crossed that line and were unfaithful.

But friend, everyone’s got a story.  It may not be infidelity, but it’s something.

That’s not to excuse the seriousness of adultery.  It’s extremely hard,  and so
damaging to a spouse, a marriage, and even to the soul of the one who was unfaithful.

But the truth is, others around you may also be struggling right now,
with all sorts of hidden temptations & failures.

Yet, the silence is deafening, as nobody wants to be the first to raise their hand and admit their weaknesses, failures or sins.

The irony is, the couple sitting next to you on Sunday morning, could also be at their wits end,
fighting non-stop and contemplating divorce, but too afraid to share their truth.

The Mother across the room just spent an hour before church yelling at her kids to get ready; yet she feels once again that her words fall on deaf ears.
But she’s sure to put smile on her face, before she walks through those doors.

And then there’s you, a good Christian woman who truly loves Jesus, yet you’re broken and torn apart inside.

So you suffer alone, in silence and shame, because you’re certain you’ll be shunned if people found out.
Maybe you’ve even decided to stop coming to church.
The hypocrisy of the mask you’re wearing is just too heavy to carry anymore.
So, you continue to hide your heart, and struggle to overcome it alone.

Because getting entangled in the affair was way easier in the first place, than freeing yourself afterwards.

Affairs do that.

But when we suffer alone, sin has a way of getting a foothold again and again.
God never meant for us to carry our burdens by alone.
“Carry one another’s burdens and in this way, fulfill the law of Christ.” Galations 6:2

So don’t hide from God or trustworthy people in your life that can help you.

Changing your moral standards will eventually change you,
until you don’t even recognize yourself anymore.

Maybe you see yourself changing right before your own eyes,
as you begin to alter your own values and moral standards, to fit your rebellious behavior.
It becomes hard to look in the mirror and not recognize the person looking back at you.

I know. I’ve been that girl too.

Compartmentalizing the guilt and shame becomes harder and harder, and the conflict within is eating you up inside.
Read my post on overcoming shame here because I list 6 ways to get free.

And then you sense His presence.

As you quiet yourself before Him.
Jesus breaks through, right in the middle of your sin, to whisper in the quietest parts of your soul:

“I love you my daughter. There is nothing you can do that will change that.
No matter how far you run, how shameful your actions, I am still here.
I have better plans for your life than this.
Your past does not have to be your future.
You can never be a ‘good enough’ Christian woman for me, I’m not asking that of you.
Take off the mask of trying to ‘have it all together’ on the outside, because I see your inside.
I see more than just the ‘Christian woman who had an affair’.

Just turn around and see me, and learn that my love is enough for you.
No man can fill the emptiness you feel inside.
Let me break those chains off of you, so you can go and sin no more.
It may feel hard to give it up at first, but only I can give you the strength to let it go.
Only I can restore you again. Let me take your shame.  I have so much more for you than you’ve settled for…

Turn from this imitation of love and find your joy in my presence.”

Only God can take your brokenness and exchange it for something beautiful.

To the woman who doesn’t relate to the ‘Christian’ part:

Maybe you identify with the brokenness, and the affair part, but you’re not a Christian.
Maybe you think that disqualifies you from exchanging this torn and painful situation
you find yourself in, for the peace and grace that God offers.

It doesn’t.

He’s still there, reaching out to you anyway.
Because friend, this isn’t about religion.
It’s about the one who loved us enough to die for our sins, including adultery.
At this point, what do you have to lose, right?  Call on Jesus and let Him show up in your life.

Christian woman or not, this affair story you’ve gotten caught up in does not define you.
And it doesn’t have to define your future.

Do you identify with this story today?

Finally, to review:

1. Don’t hide from God or people who can help you.
2. Remember that many others around you could be suffering with their own pain, disappointment or temptations.
   You’re not alone in your alone in your struggles .
3. If you’re serious about healing and want to move on from this affair, than it’s really time to end it.
   You can’t find the fulfillment and purpose God has for you while you’re still in the affair.
   Consider joining my online course and support group for women who want to know step-by-step how to
   get free of their affair or how to heal if you’ve already ended it.
   I only offer it a few times/year so be sure to join our waitlist if the doors are closed.

Want more articles and help?

You can go to my home page and find the section that speaks to your situation the most.

Or the Affair Recovery Blog area with my latest posts and articles.