Sample Good-Bye Letter To Affair Partner

This sample good-bye letter to an affair partner,
is the first step to ending your affair for good.

Writing a good-bye letter to affair partner,
is the best way to end your affair.

Because the fact is,
there won’t be any healing for yourself, or your marriage,
until you’ve ended the affair completely.

And that means maintaining no contact forever.

By the way,
This is Part 4 in my series of
‘breaking up with your affair partner.’
I suggest also reading the other posts in this series below.

“Breaking up with your affair partner” series.

Part 1: 11 lies that sabotage your affair break up.
Part 2: Proven advice for breaking up with affair partner.
>Part 3: Sample good bye letter to affair partner
Part 4: 6 simple reasons staying friends after your affair is disastrous.
Part 5: What No Contact With Affair Partner Means.

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“How to end your affair, and reclaim your life.”
and learn the steps to let go whether you haven’t ended
it yet; or you’ve already ended the affair but struggling
with letting go and not relapsing again.
LEARN MORE HERE.

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First, I want to establish the foundation on WHY writing a letter is the best way of ending an affair there is,
by giving you a quick background on the power of affairs.

1. You’ve created an unhealthy ‘soul tie’ with your AP.

• The bonds, or soul ties, created in an affair make it difficult to break off an affair,
  (and even more difficult to keep it broken off for good), because you’ve established a soul tie with this person.
• A soul tie is a deeply united connection in our souls (mind, will, and emotions) to another human being.
  Some soul ties are good (our spouse, our family, friends…), but adulterous affairs are a toxic and ungodly type of soul ties,
  and can be extremely hard to break, and basically almost impossible through sheer will power alone.
• Many women (and men) in affairs will attest to the difficulty in breaking off an affair, almost as though there
  are invisible chains tying them to their affair partner, no matter how much they want to end it after awhile.

2. Affairs are made up of feelings of euphoria, called ‘Limerence’.

• By their very existence, affairs are not based in reality.  And it’s actually the secretive nature of an affair that fuels the passion.
  All of this intensifies the feelings of both affair partners, creating what is known as feelings of “Limerence”.
  You can read my post on my explanation of the 16 signs of limerence here.
• Basically, Limerent feelings make us feel so great and ‘in love’,  but affairs are the counterfeit version of real love,
  no matter what your feelings are telling you otherwise.
  So, limerence often overlooks the other person’s faults and flaws.
  Things that would otherwise bother you are minimized, making this counterfeit version of love more entangling.
• People in affairs think they’ve found their ‘true love’ and any other love they had didn’t compare to this. Part of this is
  due to the flood of dopamine chemicals that create those wonderful feelings, which has a lot to do with associating the
  affair partner with true love.

3. ‘Affair Fog’ is the cloud of deception people in affairs are under.

• Ask anyone who’s watched their loved one while they’re involved in an affair, it’s like they’ve become someone else.  Often,
  even the people who were involved in an affair themselves at one time, will attest to the fact it was as if they were someone they didn’t
  even recognize anymore.  It’s as though we’re under a spell that we can’t break free from.
• That is part of living in an affair fog of deception.
  Anytime we believe the lie that ‘this other person will make me more happy than my spouse’
  or ‘it’s no big deal, nobody will get hurt’ or ‘I need something for ME for a change.’
  you’ve opened the door to deception and delusion, which seeks to keep you there.
• Experts call an “Affair Fog” for this very reason.
  The deception of an affair lures you in and promises you so much that you change many
  core values you’ve always held, just by believing these types of lies.
  Read these posts on what affair fog is NOT and what affair fog really means and the 5 signs to watch for, 
  for further clarification.

4. These powerful forces in affairs makes it difficult to break free from.

• To continue in your affair will only create more and more confusion and feelings of you being torn apart inside.
  I’ve been there (you can read a part of my story here), and I know how miserable it can be.
• The forces we just talked about (soul ties, limerence, and affair fog) are just a few reasons you’ve got to be extra cautious to
  end an affair the safest way possible, to avoid getting sucked back into it again.
• From my personal experience, along with coaching many many women in affairs, I’ve seen women try to
  end their affair in person, or on the phone, only to change their mind and continue their affair.
• Seeing your affair partner in person makes all those powerful forces work hard against your decision to end it.
  Why would you want to do that to yourself?
  Writing a break up letter is truly the safest first step to exit your affair permanently.

5. Break up letters (or a text message)
give you space and are actually the kindest.

• I’m adding that a text message is just as good as a letter because it’s quicker than “snail mail”, which many women need-
  Just be sure to block him right after. (reminding yourself that this feels mean but it’s the best for everyone.)
• Your best efforts to stay faithful ended up getting you involved in an affair, so don’t naively believe you’ll be
  strong enough now.
• I’m saying this with pure love and concern because I seriously tried ending my affair more than
  a dozen times.
  I’m the example of what not to do.. so now I’m here to warn you of the seduction you’ll feel to stay in the affair.
• I realize you might feel like you’re ‘being too mean’ by sending a letter, or text, like the one below.
  But keep reminding yourself the purpose of being this direct is to be sure all contact ends, and doesn’t resume again.
  
  Making it very clear the affair is over, is actually the kindest thing you can do
  for the affair partner so they can move on.
  And for you and your family, of course.
  *If your spouse already knows of your affair, and he is willing to help you-
  I actually recommend your spouse write it with you, or be with you as you write it,
  (again, if they know about your affair).
  This often gives him  a small piece of closure as he sees you’ve
  set boundaries that will protect your marriage.
  
  *As I say often, telling a spouse is such a personal decision and should only be done if
  your safety, or others, is not at jeopardy. 

Feel free to follow this sample, or use your own words;
just read the more important points to include below this letter.

(Your Affair Partners Name):

What we did was wrong, and although I can’t change the past, I can change the future.
So, out of love and respect for my husband, my kids, and my marriage,
I am ending this relationship with you immediately.
There will be no further communication with you of any kind; as I seek to restore myself, and my family,
from the devastating results of this affair.

I love my family, and need to diligently work on restoring trust in my marriage,
and will no longer do anything to put that in jeopardy any longer. 

I will not be contacting you any further, or in any way.

I ask you to please respect my decision to end this relationship
and do not try to pursue contact with me in the future,
as I will show my husband any communication you try to resume. 

Your name here.

Important points to include in your letter, and why:

1.  Do not start it with ‘Dear’, or end it with ‘Love’ or ‘Sincerely’
It sends an open door message of endearment, and can be interpreted by AP as loving- sending
mixed messages.

2. Make it clear there’s no room for a future relationship.
Giving false hope is actually cruel, and is leaving the door open, which will hurt your recovery, and your marriage.

3. Don’t add apologies or sympathies.
Remember, he is a grown adult who willingly chose to get involved with a married woman.
He was also an active participant.
The apology shouldn’t go to him but to your husband, who didn’t have a choice in your affair.

4. It’s important that your spouse see’s this letter being sent.
Be sure to put it in the mailbox, or email it, while your spouse is there with you.

Remember, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T DELIVER IT IN PERSON ALONE.

Again, here are the other posts in this series:

“Breaking up with your affair partner” series.

Part 1: 11 lies that sabotage your affair break up.
Part 2: Proven advice for breaking up with affair partner.
>Part 3: Sample good bye letter to affair partner
Part 4: Can’t we still be friends?  coming soon
Part 5: What No Contact With Affair Partner Means.

Would you like connection with other women just like you who know the struggles and want to support you ?
Click here to learn more about my private facebook group, and/or email me to get on my waiting list for my support group
that I open the doors to only a few times per year.

If you are the unfaithful wife, read this note I’ve written for you.

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