Are you still in an affair and confused about what to do?
It’s one of the biggest struggles we face when we get caught in the trap of infidelity,
especially as women, because we’re more emotional, and our affairs tend to get more emotionally charged.
Does this sound familiar? On the one hand your heart is still for your husband,
yet on the other, you’ve also have developed strong feelings for your affair partner. It’s a mess, right?
We usually know a decision should be made, because how long can you keep going back and forth?
The tug of war that goes on inside our souls can be torturous.
But I’m here to tell you, you don’t have to continue living like this.
Because making NO decision IS actually a decision. It’s a decision to stay stuck.
And you’ll just continue to get what you’ve gotten..and it will only get worse.
Yes my friend. That might seem severe, but trust this girl who did the ‘stalling thing.’ I would break it off, and then I’d go right back to him again.
It was almost more damaging to my husband, and our relationship, than the original discovery.
It just hurt so bad to break it off and I didn’t want to walk through that. kinda selfish huh? Here’s my story if you didn’t catch the dramatic details yet.
Are you feeling that way too? The very nature of indecision leads us into confusion. And honestly, how fair is that to either guy?
So determine today that you won’t continue to stay in this stuck place of staying in the affair, when you probably know you should break it off.
The pain of where you are, has to get worse than whatever pain you’ll go through to end it.
Until that time, you’re not done. And I hope you don’t stay in that place too long.
When we feel torn and confused, it’s our subconscious mind, and our soul, telling us:
“hey, something’s not right here. This is not who you are. You were made for more than this!”
Have you heard that internal voice? Listen to her, she knows what she’s talking about.
I know you don’t know how to end it, and you feel like he’s your soul mate,
but there is an affair fog that comes over every one of us (male or female) that’s had an affair.
While we’re in it, we don’t see it. It’s like we’re living in a fantasy world, but our mind is playing
tricks on us into believe it’s real and will be lasting.
“True love puts others before themselves.”
Honor is when you’re willing to deny yourself of something that you want, because it’s not the best thing for others.
I’m not denying your very strong emotions for your affair partner, but if he was a truly honorable type of guy,
would he encourage you to lie and cheat on the man you took vows with?
Believe me, when people said stuff like THAT to me I got really upset.
I felt like they just didn’t understand him or us… but my friend, THAT was the affair fog talking to me.
Take it from a girl who’s walked this road ahead of you.
You have a great opportunity to turn around now and choose a life of purpose and joy.
A life of trying to keep track of which lies you told to who and when is not a life. Am I right on that one? It’s EXHAUSTING!
While I was acting out, I tried to forget all of that because I was getting my “fix”, like a heroin addict needing a hit or alcoholic craving a drink.
“Mascara don’t lie”
BUT, in the quiet of my bathroom while getting ready (usually right after I put on mascara)
I would look in the mirror and say out loud “Who ARE you?!”
And then I’d cry.
You can imagine the streaks of black running down my cheeks.
I can’t tell you how many months I repeated that same scene. It’s crazy making right?
“Can’t see the forest through the trees, as the saying goes.”
It’s so hard to see all this clearly when we’re in it. (That’s why God brought you here to me, so you can know another woman who’s been down this same road as you).
Our feelings will lead us around, up and down like a roller coaster.
And as long as we listen to those very mixed up feelings, our life will be in chaos.
I told you this was a real honest post, but it’s all in love for you my friend. You may think ‘how does this woman
say she loves me and care when she’s never met me?’ Because I understand and remember the pain and confusion of my affair.
I remember how hard breaking up with my affair partner was and how depressed I got.
The Moral Compass In All Of Us
But once I did end it for good, my life started to shift back into focus. My moral compass turned north.
It was like I turned the ship around and started sailing in the right direction, instead of being tossed around by every wave of feelings I had.
(yes, too many sea references, I know, work with me here).
You’re not alone in this.
God is there with you and he will give you the strength to break it off for good.
That’s not pie in the sky talk either.
He truly gave me the strength to break off the affair, when I got tired of how I was living.
And then I developed an action plan to help me stick with that decision.
So where are you in all this today?
Have you tried, but just keep going back into it? Are you starting to wonder if you ever can?
You were meant for SO MUCH MORE! You have gifts and talents that nobody else has like you.
But you’ll never get to that life, and any healing
for yourself or any hope for your marriage if you continue to stay stuck here.
P.S. I don’t have mascara streaking down my face in the bathroom any more and it’s so great to have peace in my heart again.
Did anything resonate with you? I’d love it if you’d leave a comment below and tell me your thoughts. (or email me if you’d prefer [email protected] )
I care about you girl and I know you can have a life of purpose and peace! xo