Are you a betrayed husband who recently found about your wife’s affair?
- First, I am so sorry and sad that you have to be here… it means you’ve just been dealt one of the harshest blows a marriage can suffer.
- But I’m also glad you are here because it means you’re looking for answers and trying to get healing.
- When you first found out about your wife’s affair, it probably felt like a punch in the gut.
Suddenly you have the label to your name as “the betrayed husband. “I’m so sorry about that.”
Hello, my name is Debbie. Welcome to my site “After My Affair”. As you could probably guess from the title, I unfortunately can relate to the situation your marriage is in.
I was unfaithful to my husband 12 years ago.
It was the most heartbreaking and confusing time in my life and in our marriage. And it’s my life’s biggest regret.
You can read more about my story here.
I created this site for women, like your wife.
Women who are good people, but lost their way for various reasons and made some bad choices.
Now they’re caught up in an affair that both of you would have never expected would happen in your marriage.
My hope is that my words will help break through the cloud of fantasy that the affair has caused her.
Affair’s cause such a psychological and chemical reaction in the brain that it’s hold on people can be strong.
But I also created this site for you, as the betrayed husband.
I never expected the amount of husbands to write me that do. Men who are just like you, from all over the world. Men that are hurting and confused about what to do now.
Most of these husbands have been blindsided by their wife’s infidelity. Many are left wondering how she’s become such a different person.
My husband was right where you are. He understands the confusion and pain of my prolonged affair and back and forth into it. I’m so grateful he didn’t give up on us, although it seemed divorce was imminent.
There’s a few important things you can do now:
- Read each of the blog posts written just for you, as the betrayed husband. Reading my posts for the unfaithful wife would probably help you as well.
- Reach out and find a good counselor or friend and don’t internalize all this.
Also, my husband started a private Facebook group just for betrayed husbands to help you
through the trauma and know you’re not alone. Although nobody can fix anyone else, it’s good
for you to find support from other men who’ve been there and understand.
It’s called AHA Men (stands for “after HER affair”) You can request to join here.
- Remember, and believe, that this isn’t your fault.
Sure, there may be things in the marriage that needed attention, what marriage doesn’t?
Just don’t blame yourself.
- Don’t lose faith in the potential of your marriage.
It looks bleak right now, yes.
And I cannot promise you a recovered marriage, it takes 2 people wanting it.
Only you can say how long you’re willing to wait for her to come out of her “affair fog”.
But marriages can survive this, and many do.
My husband and I celebrated our 31st Anniversary this year, and are happier than ever.
Miracles do happen! (Yup, we’re the 2 goofy ‘kids’ in this picture). You can read our marriage story here.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you.
The top 5 questions most men ask after finding out about their wife’s affair.
You may be wondering who your wife really is these days.
She probably doesn’t seem to be the same woman you married.Maybe you’ve watched your wife make crazy decisions, and her behavior seems so uncharacteristic for her.
This is what most husbands write to tell me about their wives, when they find out she was unfaithful.
She is in the midst of “affair fog” my friend, the most dangerous phase of the affair healing process. Maybe you don’t even know the truth of where she is in the affair process, it’s hard to trust what she’s saying right now. Honestly, until you know she’s truly finished with the affair, and maintained ‘No Contact’ with her affair partner, you probably can’t trust what she’s saying yet. I know this from first hand experience myself. Read this to get an idea of stages of an affair.
You’re likely hurting very badly right now. Just know that what you’re feeling is normal and you will get through this! Read More….
So, what’s a guy supposed to do, and not do, after finding out his wife had an affair?
You might wonder if she’s even telling you the truth NOW. Is her affair really over?
Those are questions that need answering. But in the meantime, there’s some important
things for you to know NOT to do now.
First remember, You’re not alone. There are many husbands in your same position right now.
Although it’s more difficult finding information for betrayed husbands and
unfaithful wives. It’s a reality that many couples are dealing with right now.
Have you recently found out your wife is having an affair? Now you’re left wondering what you’re supposed to do now.
Or, maybe you found out some time ago, but the emotions are still as raw as if it were yesterday and you feel stuck?
Do you feel unable to move forward and worried you’ll make all the wrong decisions?
You’re not alone. There are many husbands in your same position right now.