The deceitfulness of sin, as it relates to adultery.
6 ways sin deceives us into believing a lie.
Sin is deceitful, are you being deceived?
Of course nobody likes to think they are deceived.
But by definition, a person who is deceived does not even know they are deceived!
And this is the deadly effect of sin in our lives.
Sin alters our thinking so much that we soon do not even realize we are deceived when we sin;
or at the very least become so hardened to it- we no longer care.
I’m going to speak more specifically about
the deception that follows the sin of adultery in this post.
There’s a scripture in the bible that says:
“But exhort one another daily, while it is called “Today,” lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.”
This is one of my most important posts I could write, and it’s one that’s been heavy on my heart to write
because of the importance of the subject.
I believe it’s one The Lord wants you to hear today- especially if you are in an affair right now or tempted to begin an affair,
or thinking of going back to someone you’ve been in an adulterous relationship with in the past.
I believe it’s very important to look at what happens to us from an objective perspective
when we choose to sin against God’s good and righteous commands.
First let’s define what deceitful means:
Deceitful =guilty of or involving deceit; deceiving or misleading others,
marked by deliberate deceptiveness, especially by pretending one set of feelings and
acting under the influence of another.
The most interesting thing about that definition (in this subject of affairs)
is the one who is having the affair thinks they are the ones doing the deceiving or misleading.
And this is true.
However, sin also has a way of deceiving the one doing the sinning.
In this case, the one who is having the affair- or committing adultery.
They think they’re being deceptive, but actually sin is also causing them to think and act like they’re
‘under the influence of another’ while being completely unaware that it’s happening.
Friends, that’s a scary thing.
Another way to describe this “being deceived” phenomenon I’m describing regarding affairs,
is often called “affair fog”.
You can read about affair fog in my post here and here.
Be aware, you might not even believe you’re being deceived.
You may think you’re thinking rationally and clear, and ready to make some huge life altering decisions-
but remember, that’s how sins deception works.
So try to read this post with an open mind while examining your own heart to see if this is happening to you
and as a warning to turn back now.
Introduction: The deceptive nature of sin– where it all began.
To understand the deceitfulness of sin, it’s important to give a brief introduction of the background of sin’s origins for mankind.
Mankind’s sin started in the garden of Eden, with Adam and Eve.
But God first made the man and woman perfect and they had fellowship and with God, and all creation was in harmony.
They had all of the garden to enjoy, everything they could ever want in all its original perfection- God provided them.
But because God did not want us to be robots by withholding our choice to love him or not,
He gave one tree that he told them not to eat of.
It was a simple command to obey.
But Satan came to the garden in the form of a cunning serpent to lie to Eve. (Genesis 3:1-6)
His whole goal was to make her question God, and His goodness,
by asking her “did God actually say ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden?’” (v.1)
Satan posed the question in such a way to make her doubt God and what He told them, and the seriousness of disobeying.
He then questions the motive of God by saying to Eve in verses 4-5:
“You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
His question was formed to cause her to think that perhaps God was withholding something good from them.
But of course God was not withholding good from them.
They had everything they could possibly need or want all around them.
They were living in a perfect environment- no corrupting influences, no sinful nature and created in God’s image.
Yet sin is so deceptive that even though she had everything she could possibly need or want, Eve was still deceived by Satan.
So, they chose instead to believe the devil’s lie that it wasn’t enough- believing there must be more for them that God was not allowing them to have.
Satan tempted her as he does to humans still to this day;
(the lust of the eyes) make it look appealing to the eyes- she saw it looked good.
(lust of the flesh) something desirable that you’re missing out on,
(the pride of life) while appealing to your pride that you’ll be wise, you’ll know more and then
you’ll feel so good, if you just give in.
We know how the story ended- Eve did eat of the forbidden fruit and gave it to her husband Adam too.
All of mankind was forever changed from their choice to rebel.
Sin now entered into man and the generations to come.
Let’s look now at what happens to us today, and how the deceitfulness of sin works.
1. On the surface, sin looks pleasurable.
Sin usually looks attractive and desirable in the beginning-which is part of its deception.
It approaches you as something for you to desire and even long for.
Sin only shows its shiny side. It only shows you the fun, glamorous side.
Yes, sin has its moments of pleasure.
Even the bible acknowledges this in Hebrews 11:25 speaking about Moses
“Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season.”
But those pleasures are so fleeting and minimal in comparison to the consequences which I’ll touch on in #2.
As I mentioned, Satan still tempts humans today as he tempted Eve.
For example, the sin of having an affair (adultery) will promise you so much attention, affection and a good time.
It will come to you looking like something you can’t pass up,
through someone you’ll be deceived into believing could even be your soulmate.
(Now I realize some adultery comes in a one-night stand or even looking at pornography for pleasure, which is just as destructive.
But the adultery I’m referencing here are the affairs of the heart- including emotional affairs.)
You’ll believe the sex will be better, and the attention will be long lasting
and therefore worth any trouble or guilt you may experience.
(By the way, if the sex is better it’s due to the forbidden illicitness of the experience,
which heightens the dopamine response initially.
Eventually that levels off if you ended up with this person, as it does naturally in any relationship).
The fruit probably looked very desirable and delicious to Eve;
once she allowed that thought to come in- that perhaps God was withholding something good from them, she was putty in Satan’s hands.
So, Satan comes to you in your thoughts, and presents a temptation that looks so appealing and desirable, just like he did Eve.
You’ll think if you pass it by, you will never experience that satisfaction again.
It looks good. So you’ll start to think ‘I can handle it, it’s okay. I’m different from others. I’ll be alright.’
The bible says “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.” Proverbs 14:12
It offers so much but will always leave you empty.
2. Sin is deceitful in how it withholds the truth.
Just like the last point in how sin only shows itself to be pleasurable,
it also won’t show you the destruction that will come if you give into it.
Sin never reveals the actual results you’ll face; or the amount of great pain and shame that ‘little indulgence’ will bring you.
The temptation to commit adultery never comes to us showing the terrible consequences we’ll experience if we yield to it.
You won’t see the despair or shame you’ll feel, Satan won’t tell you about the ruined marriage and heartbroken kids that you’ll face later.
The devil withholds the truth of how much regret you will feel later.
And if you’re a Christian, he won’t tell you how far you’re going to feel from God for disobeying one of His commands-
that are there to protect you from all this destruction.
(He still loves you but is grieved by sin, so you will feel like He’s a million miles away).
I wonder how many have yielded to the sin of adultery,
even in the past year, only to later discover the painful consequences of it?
So many believed the lie that this other person would satisfy them, only to now suffer terrible regret.
Satan also didn’t show Eve the consequences of eating from the one tree she was not to eat from…
From that choice came a broken fellowship with God, the fall of mankind, pain and suffering in childbirth,
the moving from the beautiful garden and all creation has suffered since.
Jesus said “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10
Satan is that thief Jesus was talking about.
There is never going to be anything good or fulfilling when we listen to the devil and give into his temptations.
But you won’t see the truth of the awful consequences that are coming, if you give into or continue in your sin.
Sin also will deceive you by withholding the truth about your standing with God, if you’re in an adulterous relationship.
Maybe you think since you once prayed a prayer of salvation that ‘all is well’, that God has to let you into heaven.
Or, maybe you’re hoping God will look at the kindness of your heart and the good things you’ve done and
somehow that will outweigh this adultery you’ve committed.
I remember thinking those things.
But the bible makes it clear by saying:
“Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?
Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,
nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”
(1 Corinthians 6:9-10)
3. The temptation to sin approaches in various ways.
Matthew Henry (A minister, author and respected biblical commentator born in 1662) wrote that sin is deceitful because
“It appears fair, but is filthy; it appears pleasant, but is pernicious; it promises much, but performs nothing.”
Sin is deceptive by not just looking pleasurable, and withholding the truth from you, but sins deception shows up in how it approaches and tempts you.
It may begin as just a little flirting in the office…’it’s innocent enough’ you reason.
Or some secret flirtatious texts, maybe a photo exchanged or an expression of attraction to each other.
Maybe you’ve known each other for awhile as friends, or family, so phone calls weren’t unreasonable in the beginning;
but you knew when a line was being crossed- your God-given conscience told you.
Yet you kept going.
You may be a woman who likes to hear words of affirmation-
so maybe sin will come to you in the form of a man who loves to give you those words of affirmation and attention.
Each one of us can be tempted in different ways, depending on what our weak points may be.
So be aware of your vulnerabilities and on guard to how temptation shows up for you.
But regarding an affair, sins deception tells you
‘this must be love- how can God say this is wrong?’
‘Did God really say adultery is sin? If God is love, how could He be against this ‘love’ that I feel?’
Yes, God IS love…and He loves that family of yours.
He loves your spouse that you’re abandoning and He loves those kids that will be destroyed
by your sinful entanglement with this other person, when your family is torn apart because of it.
Yes, that may sound tough, but believe me- I write this in love.
I WAS that person who was deceived by the temptation of adultery.
I watched my family’s heartbreak over my decision to have an affair- and it’s still my biggest regret.
I minimized the seriousness of the destructive road I was on in the early days.
I was that one who would have “never done this”.
So I know it can happen to anyone if they don’t run from the first glimpse of its temptation.
Friends, that’s what I’m saying- the deceitfulness of adultery will come to you in various ways and look so glittery and alluring,
so that you won’t even realize the path of deception you’re really on until it’s too late.
Sins whole goal is to ruin your life as you know it, all while you’re thinking it’s the greatest thing to ever happen to you.
4. Sin will lull you into a spiritual sleep & blindness.
Well-known minister Stephen Olford once said “The most deadly sins do not leap upon us; they creep upon us.”
The sin of adultery will tell you many lies all throughout the time of your affair.
These lies weave a web of deception over your mind so subtly that you won’t even realize what’s happening at first-
which is why so many call it like a ‘fog’ or delusion they were under.
You’ll start to become deceived by the lies you’re hearing because once you cross that line,
the enemy has an open door to your life.
You’ve basically told God you don’t want to follow His ways and if you’re a Christian, you’ve come out from under His protection.
Your heart will start to grow cold to God, your spouse, your family and everything good.
That’s proof that the deceitfulness of sin has taken root in your life.
You may start to believe your marriage or spouse is terrible and that it always was terrible (even if it wasn’t).
You’ll believe that perhaps God will overlook this ‘little thing’ because you’ve served him for so long,
or you prayed a prayer of salvation once so he has to let you into heaven.
Those lies will lull you into sleep and will rob you of all compassion and empathy you once had for those you love.
Some lies you might hear are:
“They’re really making too much of this.”
“He (she) is really my soulmate, I’ve never felt like this before.”
“It must be love, I can’t let my AP go.”
“I can turn to God later, I’m going to have my fun now.”
“You can handle this more than the others can- they don’t understand.”
“Nobody will get hurt if nobody knows about this.”
“I can keep this a secret, no one will ever know.”
“I can manage both relationships.”
“It’s just a little flirtation, nothing too serious.”
“Everyone’s doing it…I know my limits.”
“I’ll never be happy again if I end this.”
But soon enough, you’re becoming someone you don’t even recognize anymore,
as you believe one more lie after another.
For a while, it might seem as if God is quiet to your sinful life.
Maybe nothing bad has happened- no judgment has come, so you feel relief and
think perhaps God doesn’t care so much after all.
This may cause you to find more reasons to delay ending your affair.
This is another form of sin lulling you to sleep at the seriousness of sin and the repercussions to come.
“Don’t you realize how patient he is being with you? Or don’t you care?
Can’t you see that he has been waiting all this time without punishing you,
to give you time to turn from your sin? His kindness is meant to lead you to repentance.”
Romans 2:4-5 (NLT)
You might also think you’re ‘getting away with’ this affair since your secret has not yet been discovered,
so it’s easy to think it never will.
Trust me, this is also sins web of deception creating a fog upon your mind.
“But if you do not do so, then take note, you have sinned against the LORD; and be sure your sin will find you out.” Numbers 32:33
5. The deceitfulness of sin offers excuses, and finds others to blame for it.
Sin always tries to find a backdoor to accepting responsibility.
If it can shift the blame to others, or to different causes of why it happened,
then the one who committed the sin won’t have to bear the weight of it themself.
By attempting to relieve oneself of the guilt and burden of sin, one may seek excuses to blame others for it.
If I can blame my mother, my childhood, my husband, my bad marriage, my stressful job, my demanding kids, etc…
then I won’t have to face myself as the one who is making a deliberate choice to sin.
Then there won’t be any reason to stop and repent because other people or situations are to blame.
Or one can appear to take responsibility for an affair, while in the next breath blaming other things for it.
(I’m not saying there weren’t factors that made your life, or marriage, difficult.
But many people have difficult situations and do not choose to have an affair,
so we must look at how we chose to handle those challenges, and not make excuses for it.
That is always the first step toward restoration.)
Blaming others, and not turning from the sin, is right where the enemy of our souls would like for us to be.
If Satan can help you nurse that grudge and blame your husband for not fulfilling your sexual needs,
or not giving you the attention that you’ve told him you needed for years,
then the guilt can be relieved just a little bit more because ‘who could blame you?’
This is why many people in affairs begin changing their marriage history and suddenly complain about things that
they never really saw as seriously before- much to a betrayed spouse’s shock.
You may not think you’d ever make excuses, or blame anyone else.
But I see women doing this all the time.
They’ll say “I know I had this affair and I’m not shifting the blame but my husband…
(and then all the things the husband has done wrong).”
Or, “I know he is trying so hard now, but where was he all those years before? How could I not have fallen into an affair?”
(Always note what comes after the “but” in these cases…as it’s usually an excuse).
This does not show a truly repentant heart that’s willing to do whatever it takes to turn from the affair and make things right.
Until we are truly repentant with a godly type of sorrow
we are only kidding ourselves that we are ready to change.
(2 Corinthians 7:10)
I understand how easy it is to fall into blaming others or finding excuses for an affair,
because I also started to blame it on other reasons for why I did this.
Blame started right from the beginning, when Adam blamed it on God “it’s the woman you gave me.”
Then Eve blamed Satan (the serpent). (Genesis 3:12-13)
6. The deceitfulness of sin causes an increasingly hardened heart.
This is the most serious effect that happens to someone, due to sins deceitfulness….
A hardened heart due to a seared conscience.
Once you take the bait and cross the line into adultery, you immediately start to become deceived by sin;
and you’ll start to become desensitized to the destruction of it.
You’ll start to minimize how serious it is and you’ll eventually become hardened by it, as the main scripture for this post says:
“But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.”
The guilt that naturally comes as a result of sinning against God, and mankind, is actually a God-given gift within every person- called a conscience.
It’s a warning light within you to turn back- you’re going the wrong way.
To STOP what you’re doing and repent to God.
Romans 7:16 (TLB)
But If you allow anything long enough, you’ll come to accept it.
It will lose its shock value and the sting won’t be so strong anymore.
You’ll slowly start accepting all its evil and ugliness and believe it to be okay, and even good.
So all that is good and beautiful will slowly lose its appeal until it repulses you;
and what is evil and sinful will become more appealing and acceptable to you.
That is how sins deceitfulness works in your mind and soul.
When you continue day after day in blatant rebellion and disregard to God’s warning to your soul,
your conscience grew a little more cold to His warnings.
Your heart got just a touch more cold and hardened.
But what you don’t realize is the dangerous ground you’re now on.
If you don’t repent to God and turn from your affair, sin’s deceitfulness will worm its way into your soul
so that if you refuse to stop, your conscience will eventually become seared.
“Speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron.”
(1 Timothy 4:2)
A seared conscience is one that is completely dead, as though a hot iron has burned it.
It’s when a person’s conscience (or convictions) have been desensitized.
Through repeated exposure to sin and evil, a person’s sense of right and wrong can become so numb
to the point that a person can no longer easily distinguish between good and evil.
It becomes calloused over so that they cannot feel anything.
But sometimes it’s not so easy to switch back to having a ‘soft heart’ to God again.
This is serious because your ability to make logical, life changing decisions will be altered.
Many people consider leaving their husband (or spouse) for their affair partner thinking they’ll be happier.
Because sins deceitfulness is hardening your heart and searing your conscience, you won’t be thinking
clearly enough to see how much destruction you’re bringing upon yourself and your life.
“The one who commits adultery lacks sense; whoever does so destroys himself. “
“Can a man embrace fire and his clothes not be burned? Can a man walk on burning coals without scorching his feet?
So it is with the one who sleeps with another man’s wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished.”
(Proverbs 6:27-29); this can also read “the one who sleeps with another woman’s husband…”
These words also serve as serious warnings for believers of Christ.
In 1 Timothy 4, we see that “some will depart from the faith.”
This indicates that some of those who call themselves Christians will leave it.
Because of perpetual sin in their life, they’ve now opened themselves up to believing demonic, deceitful and false teachings
that come through false teachers and liars who twist the truth for their own greedy gain.
They’ve become vulnerable to being deceived in other ways, but they don’t see the spiritual danger they’re in.
Sins deceitfulness and a seared conscience will cause the marriage and family you once loved to now be a burden to you.
You’ll look for ways to escape their connections to you in search of this counterfeit you’ve opened your heart to.
You’ll start to believe the lie that you’ll actually be happier with this other person,
and then your heart will become more hardened and cold to your marriage.
Those initial pangs of guilt you felt in the beginning, after crossing the line,
will feel less strong and less obnoxious- much to your relief.
You may start to look at your spouse, your Pastor, or other Christians, with some judgement and scorn in your mind thinking “what do they know?”
Sins deceptive hardening is at work in the depths of your soul now.
But you don’t see it.
These types of blog posts are never easy to write, but I knew it was one God has been compelling me to write because of His great love for you.
It’s a warning to every one of us to not allow sin into our lives, and if you have already- to run from it.
Don’t cozy up to it, or try to still keep it on the side without fully closing the door– that is NOT running from it.
This means, if you’re involved in an affair, do whatever you have to do to end it.
Don’t try to remain friends with your affair partner and think you’ve ended the affair-
THAT is part of the deception of sin making you believe you can remain friends and not give into temptation again.
God’s long suffering and patience for us, even in our foolishness-is because He is waiting for us to turn to Him;
But it should never be misconstrued as His approval, or His not seeing.
“The LORD is watching everywhere, keeping his eye on both the evil and the good.”
Broken families, deep despair and shame is what will increase in your life if you continue on the way you’re going.
Eventually you could face eternal separation from God, if you continue in rebellion and don’t repent.
All throughout scripture God calls mankind to repent and turn to Him because He loves us.
I want to warn you because I care about you…
yes I care, even though I don’t know you because I’ve been where you are, and I care about your soul.
Romans 2:5 says, “But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed.”
My friend, God is calling you to turn from your sin because He knows the end result is heartache and tragedy.
“Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away.“ (Acts 3:19)
When we draw near to God, He draws near to us (James 4:8).
What is keeping you from turning to Jesus Christ now to confess your sins, ask for His forgiveness, and His help to live a pure life?
I encourage you to do that today.
Other posts to check out:
If you’re the unfaithful wife.
Are you a husband who was betrayed?